Facing the Unknown: What Happens to Us When Our Parents Are Gone?

18 June 2026

This morning as usual, after entering into the car which would take me to USM, I took out my phone to order food for my mum via GrabFood. In the middle of making the order, I received an unexpected whatsapp message from Cikgu Joe who is attached to Cerebral Palsy Association of Penang (CPAP), friendly to each and every CP individuals and also an advocate for OKU mainly CP. He is not a person that used to send or forward any general or greeting message to us, probably to others too.

I saw the whatsapp notification before clicking it to read the whole message. The notification was written as “Good morning.. Cheng Yoong”. Cheng Yoong’s an ex-pupil of CPAP. I could guessed it would be unpleasant news, most likely someone has just passed away. Was the letters of ‘Yoong’ will be followed with ‘s or a space which mean would it be his mum or Cheng Yoong himself? I know his mother who had been working at CPAP back in 2000s, while Cheng Yoong who’s a severely CP but intelligence guy worked at our CPAP’s shelter workshop. His mother would come to the shelter workshop to feed him and help whatever he needed during the break times. I used to see his mother carried him transferring between her car and his wheelchair, every morning and evening. His speech’s hard to be understood.

Then I clicked the whatsapp message to read further. What a relief even though feel sad when I learned that it was Cheng Yoong who has passed away yesterday. I have been told that he was 56 years old. You may think what la Chin Chin, such a hard-hearted saying that it is a relief when her friend passed away at such considering a young age. I apologise for my cruel thought, but it is truly from me, perhaps it is my depression talk, I know that his mother or caregiver may have a great grief for losing him, would be much more greater, compare the other parents losing their able-bodied adult child or mild disabled adult child. Because of the strong bonding as the parents may take care, carry, bath, feed their child daily for 30, 40 or 50 years or even more.

I still remember one of my conversation with Cikgu Joe during the camp at CPAP when I was just 19 or 20 years old. I said that I hope I would passed away before my mum as I am required assistance in some basic daily activities. While, he replied that there are parents hope their disabled child would passed away before them.

Anyway the issue is not actually hoping the disabled adult child especially those with disability level range from moderate to severe one. The real problem is where those physically disabled, intellectual disabled, visually disabled and psychosocially disabled can go or who will look after them when their parents or main carers no longer able or struggle to continue taking care them due to old age, illness and then died or even have a sudden death. These parents may request their able-bodied children to take care their disabled siblings when they are no longer around in future. However, would it be a reasonable request for the able-bodied children to take such additional, big, and long-term responsibility to take care their disabled sibling beside their expected responsibilities towards themselves and their own families? In fact, the welfare of these able-bodied siblings have been overlooked. It can be say that there is no social support for them especially during their childhood or growing-up period, compare to the disabled child and also the parents. They actually have sacrificed themselves since early of their lives as their parents need to spend more time and even more resource for their disabled brother or sister. They had less opportunities to go out have fun with family, compared their peers, because the environment is not accessible for their disabled siblings. They may have became mature earlier to share responsibilities with their parents in taking their disabled siblings with special need.

The problem of where those adults with moderate to severe physical disabilities, intellectual disabilities, visually disabilities or psychosocial disabilities can go or who can look after their special needs, should not be treated just as the family problem only. It should be seen as a societal problem. Society should play their roles come out with ideas, do something to help these disabled adults and their families. Yes, there is the Penang Cheshire Home which provide accommodation for some disabled adults beside run a shelter workshop for the disabled. Many residents there are our CPAP’s ex-pupils, and there may be few other organisations provide such accommodation for the disabled. However, how many percentage of these disabled adults can be taken in? And the types of accommodation provided mostly are a dorm or a room shared by a number of residents, not a single bed room. Where is the dignity and privacy for those adults especially those with average mental capability to share a room with several people for day in and day out, mostly throughout the rest of their lives? How about if there is a married couple with moderate to severe disability.

I am not talking about myself. I thank that I am fortunate to have the opportunities to get a good education and have a good job with good salary. I may afford either to hire a maid to stay in my house or to move into a nursing home in future. How about the other disabled who did not have access to education in the first place, which causes them unemployed. There is a high number of disabled people being unemployed due to societal and environmental barriers, and they are living poor. Moreover, those adults with moderate to severe disabilities. They have to spend most time at home. I was being told that Cheng Yoong had spent his last few years at home 24/7, mostly in his bed. His elderly mother herself have being ill for sometime and required to be taken care too. Thanks that his mother’s sister has a kind-hearted taking care both of them beside rushing to work earning some money. So, what will be happened to the rest of moderate to severe disabled adults when their parents no longer able to take care them?

Actually our elderly parents should have the opportunity to have rest and enjoy their golden age, go visit places that they are dreamed for with their life partner and friends, or spend time participating in activities or doing things as they wish, just like the other elderly parents, before they lost their own ability and leave this world forever. I do hope that my mum could spend more time for herself, rather than feel a must to be at home for me every single day. I also often hope that my mum will have more opportunities spending enjoyable time with my brother without my present, as I might have taken lot of my mum time from my brother especially during our childhood and growing-up period.

Rest in peace Cheng Yoong. I believe there is no more pain, stiffness, loneliness, frustration, tear, worry in you now as you enjoy the eternity life, spending all time being together with our Heavenly Father.

Heavenly Father, may You will comfort Cheng Yoong’s mother and his aunty during this difficult time. May You send people and friends to give them continuous moral support. Amen.

Does God Really Exist?

One Sunday, I joined the crowd standing singing worshipping God in KingdomCity. Then a question came to my mind. Does God really exist? I do not have any significant experience that we used to listen especially hearing to His voice while no one is around or any miracle. Perhaps I just do follow whatever the people do and believe in what people believe.

Looking at everyone in the room standing worshipping to the Lord. There are people lifting up their hands while singing the worship songs praising the Lord, thank Him. There are time we dance, jump and sing with joy. Sometimes I notice there are worship team members sing with full of expressions on the stage. There are people kneeling down in the middle of singing.This environment happens in the churches all over the world. They are from all walks of life come together worshipping to the God regardless who they are including those country’s leaders, famous people, intelligence people. Are these high profile people nut too if there is no God?

Since I was being a student at USM, I have spent most of my time with Malay coursemate and hostelmate. In my first year, I shared the same room with a Malay roommate. She would wake up early in the morning before sunrise for Subuh prayer. She also usually had Maghrib prayer and Isyak prayer in our room. She would have Zohor prayer and Asar prayer in the room if she was at the hostel. I remember that some days, she would have the Zohor prayer or the Asar prayer before rushing to her classes which I think the class would start at 2.00p.m. or 5.00p.m., respectively. Malay or Muslim prays 5 times a day.

Most of my office-mate were Malay and now all of my office-mate are Malay. They have their Zohor prayer and Asar prayer at office. Every year, they fast from food and drink from the sunrise to the sunset for the whole month of Ramadan. There are my ex-boss and my colleagues had gone to Mekkah to perform Haji or Umrah. They have short prayer for blessing whenever we have functions.

So, does God really exist?

Yes, there is a God even through we do not see Him or even do not feel Him. Same as the oxygen, we are not just do not see the oxygen, we also do not feel it, do not smell it, do not hear it and do not taste it, the oxygen. But we know that the oxygen exist. If not, we all are no longer alive. After all the first principle of the Rukun Negara’s five principles is Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan.

We believe in One and the only One God who has created the Heaven and the Earth, the sun and the stars, the mountains and the seas. He is the One who forms us while we are still in our mother’s womb. He is writing our story and loving and forgiving.

In the first session of Alpha course, we watched video on Who is Jesus? During the discussion, we do discuss about our belief in God and there was a great session. Tomorrow will be our 7th session and then there will be another 3 sessions or 3 weeks to go. KingdomCity will open the registration for the second batch of the 10-session Alpha course soon.

God, What Good that I Bring to Others?

On the 13th May, I went for a course ‘Penulisan Kertas Kerja Berimpak’ at Pusat Transformasi Insan (PTI) USM. As USM staff, we are required to collect an amount of CPD (Continuous Professional Development) points annually through various courses mainly run by the department. I took Grab from my house and went down from the Grab at the bus stop next to the Subaidah USM. Then I walked by using my rollactor for quite a distance to PTI. I walked on the pavement, went down a gentle slope, walked along the walkway and then climbed down a few steps. The PTI is located next to the steps.

I met some friends and USM staffs came from various departments around USM. We had breakfast together there. As any other places, there were people just help me whenever I need. I listened to the talk from the speaker and also the sharing from some participants.

It was the half-day course which ended around 12.30pm. So, we went back to our office continued working after lunch break.

Whenever I have course there, I am usually happy for having the opportunity walking outside independently for a distance, taking the fresh air. Then I usually will take the opportunity to have a meal or drink alone at the Subaidah. I seldom have such opportunities going for a walk or have a meal outside myself, trying to communicate with other people, asking help when needed. However, in the same time, I do have feeling down a bit sitting together with the able-bodied staffs, perceiving that they are so good, capable, knowledgeable, productive, compare to myself.

After finishing my fresh orange juice plus the another glass of ice water, I booked and took grab back to my office. Even through I did feel happy being independent, I feel exhausted. Then the ‘talking snake’ (based on Genesis 3) inside me start its talking, said that I am just a liability to other, rather than an assets. I am tired. I am tired with my life. God, why You still don’t want to take my life back? God, please just take me home. I have no idea how many times I have asked the question to God, and there is greater number of times I make the appeal to God. I think it would be hundreds, perhaps thousands times throughout my life.

Then, I asked God, what good that I bring to others. What else You want me to do as You still don’t want take my life yet? I am just a burden to others as I need help in numerous daily activities. I am tired especially physically. I often view myself as someone who seem in 40+ years old mentally, but in 70+ or 80+ years old physically/ strength and just below 10 years old, perhaps 5 years old in term of physical capability.

Just in a few days, on the Sunday 17th May, Brother Ricky who was sitting at the same table with me during the discussion in Alpha Course, suddenly said something to me. He told me that he often take me as an example/ model for his children when they are lazy come to church. He will tell them how much effort I take.. taking Grab come to church despite my disability. Yes, I felt God has answered me through Brother Ricky. Sometime such sharing is important to me, even through the ‘talking snake’ inside me may speak much louder, even with the facts to me.

Bring Mum Shopping with Helper

It would be quite impossible for my mum and I both go shopping ourselves compared few years ago, due to aging and my mum does have mild dementia. There was a need for us to go to mall to look for something since the end of last year. I did try buy online once but failed to get the suitable one. Besides, there are couple of household things to be bought. As there is a long holiday the end of May, I planned to bring my mum to Gama, her favourite shopping mall, with a helper.

On 19th May, I tried to contact directly the caregiver who took me to GH for my last checkup in March. However, I failed to contact her as I learned that her number is used by someone else when a Chinese guy replied my whatsapp message with voice message on the 20th evening. Anyway she is an Indian who unable speak Hokkien with my mum. I got to know her via the agent that help me finding a caregiver each time I need go for checkup since last year. We had an agreement that I would try contact her directly when needed in future since it cost me a lot RM150 each time if I go through the agent. In addition, I just require a companion who can assist me walking and assist with the registration and collecting medication, instead of a nurse.

Once I reached my office on the 20th, I wrote an advertisement message looking for someone can help bring my mum and I to Gama, and send the message to the three KingdomCity’s whatsapp group that I am currently in. And I prayed to our Heavenly Father hoping that I can get someone suitable and ease our coming outing. I do hope the person may take the opportunity sharing gospel with my mum while assisting, if I got someone from our church. Even though my mum may not remember. On the next morning, I was delighted receiving a call from an Indian lady Alice, who is used to be caregiver cum companion, offering herself to help us as required. She is a sister to one of our Welcoming Team’s members where her sister have forwarded my message to her. She speaks Hokkien with me fluently like Chinese people. As I have speech impairment, I asked her to whatsapp me and we communicate via whatsapp.

Then, I told my mum about the arrangement that I have made, taking her to Gama with a helper. Thanks God that my mum accepted my arrangement without any hesitation as this was the first time my mum and I go out with a helper. My mum did not disagree of having the helper, stating why I waste money, or deny the fact that she herself may not able to handle me going shopping as what she was able to do previously. Finally, Alice came take my mum and I go shopping last Friday. We managed to find and buy most of the things that we needed. I was pleased especially see my mum was seemed happy with the shopping, telling Alice how she had taken care me when I was a child, while Alice did encourage my mum to come to church.